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My Dear Scumglob,

This is a letter to commend you and your department’s excellent work in the United States. You are to be rewarded for your masterful inciting of mobs. It is fantastic the success you’ve achieved in getting them to riot over just about anything. Even more gratifying is the fact that you’ve gotten it to transcend their petty political “parties.” Continue this work. Make sure though that you do not grow lazy. Continue to lead them on in the deception that they are rioting—the word they use flippantly for any manner of disturbance is “protesting”—for a cause, whether it be what they call freedom, or rights, or religion (freedom of, or freedom from—it doesn’t matter).

There are all sorts of ways you can continue on in the deception. Make sure you brief your under-rabble-rousers about the importance of always obscuring the true reason for “protesting” behind a cause—it doesn’t matter what cause, as said before. But they cannot be allowed to realize the real reasons of the protests, whether they be protestor or observers of the protestors. They above all cannot be allowed time to take in the Enemy’s abominable words about the “man of lawlessness.” Lead them on in the deception that they are working to better the laws. If you twist their thinking enough, eventually they will come to regard even vandalism and violence as steps to democracy, freedom, and “fair” laws. Get them to think they are fighting for something, anything. But, do not let them see the reality behind the mobs. Do not let them see that they are “protesting” as a mere front for their own idolatry. It doesn’t matter what the offending article is, just so long as it offends their own authority. The most favorable circumstance is where each and every one of the vermin is his own little god. Of course, he must not be allowed to actually think on this. Again, let him blame his actions on a cause, on a right. They must never be allowed to think even for a moment that they riot because they are angry, or because something has infringed upon their individual deity.

For example, the rights they always squabbling about. This has been a brilliant play on our part, getting them to think of their wants and desires (however irrational or foolish) as rights. They want this, so they talk about it as a basic human right. They don’t like authority, so they claim that they are being brutalized. Always get them to act as their own god, but don’t ever let them see that they are, or so much as think about idolatry. Once you have gotten each of them to be his own little god—and not even realize it—you will have achieved a real victory. You’ll find it endlessly amusing, watching them fight over the smallest things, all because you’ve managed to create a pantheon of gods 350 million in number. But do keep these fights on small issues. Don’t let them expend energy really fighting for something other than their own theocracy. If you can get them each to be their own god, much of the game will be won, and they are safely on the path to the halls of Our Father Below.

Yours truly,


Chief Rabble Rouser

Department for the Advancement of Anarchy (DAA)

666 Abaddon Drive

The Abyss, Hell